Saturday, April 3, 2010

Parts of My Body That Look Weird Now

Trampolining for adults.  Cool, I decide I must try this!  I walk into the SportsPlex with my equally un-trampy friend, JoJo.  We locate the tramp-training area, and watch in awe as men fly through the air in flips, gyrations and multiple somersaults.  Wow.  Seriously, howthefuck do you make your body spin so crazy outta control and then land on your hands doing a Donkey Kick/Handstand?  Whoa, intimidation?  Check.  But the girl there says beginners stick to just straight up and down jumping.  Whew!  Not that I'm too worried.  I mean, I do yoga all the time so me and my body are real close & connected.  We'll be fine.

We all warm up a little, stretch and chit chat with the coach, who is a super-cute-as-a-button-cheerleading-LuLuLemonwearing angel of reassurance, called Coach Sweetpea.  Well, only I call her that.  And only in my head.  Anyways.  Coach Sweetpea insists that we will be fine, and people almost never fall off!  By now the other 4 adults in the class are already on the trampolines.  JoJo and I nervously make our way up.  We watch.  We ooh and we aah.  I think, hey it doesn't look so bad! 

Finally, it's our turn.  We get onto our respective tramps and start to really go for it!  And hey!  Turns out jumping straight up and down on an elastic band is NOT THAT FUCKING EASY!  Soaring through the air like the bird I was in a past life, I am not.  Struggling to stay in that stupid little red rectangle, I am.  Then I hear JoJo chirp, "Weeeeeeeeee!  What's next?"  Uh, what's next?  "Bum drops ladies!" shouts Coach Sweetpea.  Oh my good gravy.  No.  I won't. 

But yes, I do!  I do the Bum Drops, and I do it Doggy Style and I do Belly Flops.  Well, maybe the last two moves aren't really called that, but considering how awesomely I perform, these terms I shall use.  I also did a move called the Face Plant, but that wasn't at the request of Coach Sweetpea.  And one of the other ladies DID actually fall off the trampoline!  But that was only because she was trying to do some fancy-pants three-quarter barrel roll F-18 something-or-other maneuver.

After an hour of us all taking turns, and me eventually feeling pretty good up there, the class draws to an end.  We have a few minutes of free time, then cool down and more stretching.  Stretching I need a lot of, because, man am I ever stiff.  Great workout, thanks Coach Sweetpea!
When I get home I am in urgent need of a hot epsom salt bath.  Drop in a bit of relaxing lavender essential oil, and aaaahh... heaven.  But then, what the fack is that?  I notice my tramp knees!  They now look reminiscent of the time I had erythema nodosum.  Big-time yuck!  I didn't take any pictures of my legs back then to make comparisons.  You just have to trust me.  Besides, even if I had the pictures, I wouldn't post them.  I wasn't able to shave my legs for about a month.   

And since I'm showing off parts of my body, I would now like to boast about my first sunburn of the year. It is a very delicate burn, residing only on the area of hand directly below the thumb area.

How did I create such a precise reddening of skin?  By fishing for 6 hours.  Awesome, right?  And yes, I did catch two real live fish, but I chose to let them go, without going through the hassel of actually getting them up into the boat.  I thought it would be better for both me and the fish that way. And of course, it isn't all about the fish you catch, it's about the experience of being out on the water, with good company, on a gorgeous day!

So, to sum up:  tramping will hurt your body, tramp knees will eventually fade (I hope) and Mr. Sun loves to cook pieces of me.  Happy springtime!

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